Natasha's Nightmare Past
by TheWritersBlock123
Summary: A collection of Natasha's nightmares and comfort.
1. Author's Note

**Hello everyone. So, I know that I went off the grid for a while. Sorry about that. I wasn't too confident with my writing and I took a break to have a look at what other people are doing and try to improve my own writing habits. I know that this isn't really an excuse for disappearing for months on end but hey, I'm back now!**

**I've decided to go back over the chapters and edit them. Some might be minor corrections; others might be a bit more major. Just a heads up in case it looks different from what you remember. I don't like how I didn't draw out the chapters more. I realise now I could have done some things better and added more detail to make them longer. I'm working on showing not telling so if you have any advice, I am all ears! **

**With COVID-19 happening at the moment and my country sort of coming out of lockdown, I have time on my hands in between schoolwork. I might not update regularly but I am trying my hardest.**

**I recently got a lovely review from a guest that made me realise that even though I'm not very confident in my writing, people still enjoy it and are waiting for more. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realise this. I know how hard it can be when an author doesn't update for months (GUILTY!).**

**There will be more updates coming over the next few days. Like I said before some might be minor little corrections and others could be a bit bigger.**

**Thanks for sticking with me! – TheWritersBlock123**


	2. Clint

**A/N: Hi guys! Thank you to all the people who have read my stories and reviewed! I really love the support. This is my first Fanfiction that is not Hunger Games. Enjoy this Avengers Fanfic! P.S. The Russian is off Google Translate which we all know is not very reliable so I apologise if you speak Russian and spot any mistakes. Feel free to message me with corrections!**

**Update May 2020: I've decided to re-write this chapter to make it more detailed and try to improve on the previous version. Hope you still like it!**

**(Also I think that Natasha and Clint are great partners but I ship Clint/Laura so any cuddling is strictly platonic.)**

* * *

Natasha was drenched in sweat. Her pyjamas were stuck to her skin. She was in the gym, pounding the stuffing out of a hanging punch bag. She didn't have any wraps on, so her knuckles were split and bleeding. She didn't know how long she had been there and wasn't planning on going back to bed any time soon. She huffed at a strand of red hair that fell in front of her face and swung a right hook at the bag. She was floated around the floor as she dodged and punched. She gave a cursory glance at the digital clock on the wall of the gym. The time read 04:07. She huffed again and fell back into the rhythmic dance of punching and dodging. She stopped and shivered slightly. The memories washed over her like a wave.

* * *

_A teenage Natalia was in a room by herself. It was bare and cold and had painted a cold white. There was a thick metal door set into one of the walls. The floor was metal and chilly underfoot. She was dressed in nothing but a thin white gown. Her wavy dark red hair flowing down her shoulders. She was standing in the centre of the room. She shuddered at the cold. She briefly wondered what was happening. She looked up sharply as the door swung open._

"_Подойди сюда__." __(Come here) __Sneered a short man in a white lab coat. Natalia immediately disliked him but followed anyway because that's what she had been trained to do. Follow orders from Ivan and his men._

_Through the door was a metal gurney and three other men. Two of them wore lab coats. The other wore a furry grey over coat and matching hat. Ivan Petrovich. _

"_Привет моя дорогая наталья." (Hello my dearest Natalia) He purred. "Будете ли вы так добры, чтобы лечь?" (Would you be so kind as to lie down?) He asked waving his hand in the direction of the gurney. When she hesitated he barked, "это приказ Натальи." (That's an order Natalia.)_

_She lay down and quickly the men, including Ivan, rushed forwards and clasped cuffs around her wrists and ankles. She struggled against the bonds. _

"_Что делаешь!" (What are you doing!) She cried in outrage. In response on of the men slapped his hand over her mouth muffling her cries. The gurney moved forwards with a jolt. Down the white corridors. Past many identical metal doors. She struggled, terror in her eyes. The men turned off through a door. It was the operating room where she would lose her future joy and happiness. A chance to make a family of her own blood. One of the nurses plunged a needle deep into her arm. Anesthetic. The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was Ivan's cold hard smirk._

* * *

Natasha punched the bag again and stood there shivering. She punched the bag harder. She kept going even as tears streamed down her face and blood dripped off her knuckles.

* * *

Clint was jerked awake by FRIDAY's voice. "Sorry to wake you Mr. Barton, but Ms. Romanoff is distressed. She had been in the gym for the past 3 hours. It goes against my programming not alert someone."

"Thanks for the heads up, FRIDAY." Clint swung his legs over the side of the bed. He jogged down the hall to the elevator. FRIDAY already knew where to take him. When he arrived at the gym, he carefully approached Natasha. "Hey, Nat. Are you okay?" He treaded with soft footfalls towards her. She didn't even flinch. "Hey, you with me?" He walked around to the front of the bag and placed a hand on it to stop it's swing. Natasha looked at him with dull eyes.

"Move."

"No."

"I said move."

"No Tasha, I won't."

She looked at him in mild annoyance.

"Look at your hands, Tash. They're bleeding. You need to stop." He took her by the elbow and steered her toward a bench. She let him sit her down and look at her hands. Her knuckles were bloody and bruised. "Let's get you cleaned up." The walked in silence to the elevator. She was quite the entire ride up.

* * *

Clint sat her down on the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom on his floor. She was still silent. "What's wrong Nat?"

She gazed at the floor. "Nightmares." She whispered. Clint said nothing, he knew that she would elaborate in her own time. He knelt down in front of her and gently took a hold of her hands to wipe a wet washcloth over her knuckles. He put a couple dressings on some of the nastier scrapes.

"It was the sterilisation." She blurted out, her gaze not leaving the floor. Clint said nothing and rocked back on his heels to look at her. "I was there again. I couldn't do anything to stop it." She fell quite again.

"Look at me Tash."

She raised her chin slightly to look him in his story grey eyes.

"It wasn't your fault."

At his words she crumbled. Tears fell down her cheeks as she curled in on herself. He stood up and pulled her off the edge of the tub and into a hug. She clung to him and cried bitter tears. Tears about the life she could never have. He guided her to his bed and lowered her down into it. He tucked her in and climbed in beside her, pulling her close. They had slept in the same bed many times on missions when the situation called for it. They were very close friends and partners. But not romantically. Clint loved Laura and Natasha knew that.

"I know that you would have been an amazing mother, look at how much Cooper, Lila and Nath adore you." He felt her head move in a slight nod. He sighed. "Go to sleep, Tash. It'll be okay." She hummed and buried her head into his chest. Clint was a reassuring to Natasha. She knew that he had her back and would look out for her both on and off the field. She drifted off to sleep, comforted by the knowledge that Clint had her back.

* * *

**A/N: I hoped you enjoyed the re-write! I tried my best to add more detail and get the word count up. Feel free to message me with advice for how to better my work. Don't forget to drop a review. They are much appreciated! **


	3. Steve

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for disappearing again! I've been busy lately and haven't had time to write. :( Anyways on with the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of its characters. Sadly.**

* * *

Steve was in his room. He was couldn't to sleep. So, he was busy drawing. He was drawing a beautiful landscape of a mountain range and a lake. He had finished the rough outline and was starting to add the shading on the mountains. His mind wandered as he drew, thinking about his teammates. Clint was off on a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D. Thor was off world in Asgard. Natasha was in the tower somewhere. Bruce was away at a science convention with Tony. He was deep in thought and jumped, nearly ruining the drawing, when a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the tower.

* * *

Natasha had fallen asleep on the couch in the main room. She had come back from a mission and she was totally exhausted. She had arrived back to the tower and only bothered to take a shower and change out of her jumpsuit into a pair of black sweatpants and a large black t-shirt. The pants were actually Clint's and the t-shirt was Tony's. She was on her way to the kitchen to grab a snack when she saw the couch. It looked very inviting. She promptly fell face first and went to sleep. She had slept peacefully for about 2 hours when the nightmares began again in earnest. She woke screaming and flailing. She fell off the couch and curled up on the floor crying silent tears.

* * *

Steve dropped his pencil and jumped up from his seat. He hadn't imagined it. The only other person in the tower was… "Natasha," He breathed. He vaulted over his bed and frantically pressed the elevator call button. It dinged and opened. "F.R.I.D.A.Y take me to Natasha please." He demanded. The elevator rose. It stopped on the main floor. The doors opened, and Steve raced out.

* * *

Natasha was on the floor tears streaming down her face. She curled up tighter and dug her nails into her palms, drawing blood. She was still stuck in the nightmare.

_She was in the ballet studio. Back in the Red Room. She was standing in a line with 6 other girls, all different ages. She was at the end of the line. They were all dancing en pointe. She had no control over her body. She was just there to watch. She and the other girls danced in their line. Standing up on their toes and putting their hands behind their backs. It was a graceful dance, but it had a sinister note. Natasha's head turned, and she got a good look at the other girls. She recognised them all. There was Nadia, and Sasha, and Renee. And there was little Zoya standing next to Tilly and Alena. Zoya was only ten years old. They turned and Zoya slipped. Ivan suddenly emerged from the shadows. "Sloppy." He drawled in Russian. He turned to two men standing at the door. He beckoned to them with his finger, then pointed to little Zoya how was on the floor. They marched over and grabbed her by the upper arms. They dragged her out. She didn't struggle. She knew if she did, they would kill her. The other girls had stopped and were standing in first position. Natasha watched in horror from the body she was stuck in. The men disappeared around a corner dragging Zoya between them. There was silence. And then screams rang out. Natasha screamed with her._

* * *

She screamed again.

"Natasha, can you hear me? Natasha?" That sounded like Steve. She fell silent and listened closely. "Natasha?"

"Steve," Her voice was hoarse.

"What happened? Are you hurt?!" He was frantic.

"It's okay. It was just a nightmare." She tried to soothe him. "Just go back to bed."

Steve was worried. Anything that made Natasha scream was serious. She kept her cool even in the worst of situations. "I'm not leaving you." He crouched down beside her and gingerly placed a hand on her shoulder. She was a master assassin-spy after all. She didn't attack him thankfully. If anything, she seemed to lean into the touch.

He took that as a good sign and wrapped both arms around her in a hug. She snuggled in cautiously and shuddered as she let out a fresh round of sobs. They stayed there for a while. Until Steve got an idea. "Do you want a hot chocolate?" He asked softly. He felt her nod in his embrace. He gently released her and stood up. He helped her to her feet and they padded into the kitchen.

* * *

Natasha perched on one of the bar stools while Steve raided the kitchen cupboards. He pulled out a packet of hot chocolate mix and marshmallows. He set the jug onto boil. He grabbed a couple of mugs from the cabinet too. In no time he had whipped up two masterpieces. They had frothy milk and marshmallows. Much better than any café could have done it. He sat down beside her and passed her a mug. She took a grateful sip. They sat in silence for a while the Steve spoke up. "What happened? In your nightmare?" He was hesitant. She was silent for a while then spoke.

"My past is pretty awful. I was raised in the Red Room. A secret Organisation in Russia to train young girls into killers. It's run by Ivan Petrovich. He took me in after my house bunt down with my parents inside. Little did I know." She laughed bitterly. "My dream was of one of the little girls there, Zoya." Her voice cracked on the name. "She was only ten. She slipped in ballet and they beat her to death." She looked away, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Steve felt awkward. He didn't know what else to say.

"It's not your fault."

They sat in silence until morning.

* * *

The sun was cresting over the horizon when Natasha moved. She got up and gave Steve a hug. "Thank you." She whispered in his ear. She padded softly to the elevator. Steve sat at the bench. '_I promise Natasha, I will help you beat this. Mark my words._' He vowed in his head. He would do anything for his teammates.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are welcome:). Keep an eye out for the next chapter. Might not be out for a while but oh well.**

**Also, inside joke to sketchpup05, ass-ass-in. LOL!**


	4. Bruce

**A/N: Hi! I've managed to get a few hours to myself! So I've dedicated it to writing. Hope you enjoy! Also I'm not great at rating so if anyone thinks that this should be higher than a T rating let me know :)**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel or its characters. Even after 3 chapters. Lol**

**Sorry for not updating my other stories. I'm getting there.**

* * *

The team had just come back from a mission. They had all went their separate ways to shower and collapse into bed. Natasha was already in her room asleep. Her face twitched and she started to thrash. She got tangled up in her blankets. She started to sweat. She was trapped deep within her nightmare.

_They were battling against some lunatic's cyborg army. She was battling alone. She had gotten separated from the others. She was blasting creatures in the head, when she saw a young girl. She was sheltering under a fallen slab of concrete. The concrete had landed on an angle so there was a pocket of space under it. The girl was crying. Natasha commando rolled over to her and fired at a couple of cyborgs. The little girl looked up at her with fear in her eyes._

"_It's okay, I'm getting you out of here." Natasha murmured to her softly. "Tony, going to need some back up. We got a child to evacuate." She tucked the girl behind her with one arm and shot a couple cyborgs with her gun. _

_The girl was shaking. "I'm scared!" She sobbed._

"_It's okay, I'll protect you." Natasha turned around and gave her a swift hug. She saw a cyborg out of the corner of her eye. This one had a gun. It was aiming at the girl. Natasha rolled around and covered the girl as a bang rang out. She felt a sharp pain in her right upper arm as the bullet hit her. Her eyes widened as everything slowed down. She saw the bullet fly out from her arm and grazed the side of the girl's head. Time sped up and she turned and shot the cyborg point blank in the head._

* * *

Her eyes flew open. She sat up panting. That bullet had come WAY too close for comfort. Rubbing her eyes, she registered a throbbing in her wounded arm. The bullet had gone straight through it and towards the girl. She swung her legs out of bed. "F.R.I.D.A.Y is Bruce awake?"

"Doctor Banner is awake and in the kitchen. Shall I alert him?"

"No thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y."

She wandered over to the elevator and pressed the button for the kitchen. She rubbed her arm gently. There was a ding and the doors parted. She sat down at one of the bar stools. "Hey,"

He jumped. "Hi. Didn't expect to see anyone else awake at this hour of the morning."

"Couldn't sleep." She rubbed her arm again. His eyes were sharp and he picked up on her pain.

"How's the arm?"

"Fine."

"I don't believe you." He walked over and sat beside her. "Is the pain meds wearing off?"

"They don't work very well on me anyway," She said with a sad smile. "Red Room serum."

There was a pause. Then Natasha said softly, "Have you ever been in a situation where something bad nearly happened?"

"Yeah, many times actually. Why?"

She paused, opening and closing her mouth before speaking. "That girl nearly died today." Her eyes filled with tears. "I just about wasn't quick enough. The bullet went through my arm and grazed her head. If it had been just a millimetre to the left-" She stopped and put a hand over her mouth.

"But it wasn't." Said Bruce. "Everything worked out fine. She's alive and with her family, remember? We dropped her off after battle. Her mother gave her a hug and her father kissed her head. She's alive."

"But what if-"

"But what if nothing. If ifs and buts were fruits and nuts we'd all have a merry Christmas. Stop worrying about the what ifs."

She hung her head slightly. "You're right. It's just, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she had died."

They sat for a bit. Then Bruce noticed Natasha rubbing her arm again. "Right, you're coming with me down to the med bay." He grabbed her gently by her good arm and lead her to the elevator.

* * *

She sat on the edge of a bed while Bruce peeled back the dressing on her arm. "Good news is its not infected." He grabbed fresh bandages and re-dressed the wound. He finished up and they said goodnight and went back to bed. As she lay there in the dark, a small smile graced Natasha's face. She had the greatest, craziest, most insane, loving family.

* * *

**Finished! Next chapter hopefully coming out soon. Also- *ducks behind couch* I'm sorry for not updating my other stories, *peeps out nervously* Sorry! Will try to find time to update them soon.**


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